A brother [family members] offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle!
Proverbs 18:19
What is Crisis?
- A time of great danger or trouble and intense difficulties which threatens to result in unpleasant consequences if wrong decisions are made at such critical time.
- An unstable period in which something or someone is affected by one or more very serious problems in any area of life.
- A dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person’s life. It is like the point in a play or story at which hostile elements are most tensely opposed to each other.
- A stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events is determined especially for better or for worse.
A Family
- Nuclear Family- Father, Mother, and Children
- Extended Family – Nuclear family and their relatives both paternal and maternal relatives as well as the religious family.
What is Family Crisis?
- A family crisis is a situation that upsets the normal functioning of the family which might lead to a new set of reactions to one another in the family. Such reaction however determines the outcome of such SITUATION on the future of each member of the family. Such an upsetting situation can be interpersonal. For example, when a spouse has an affair with another person. It can as well be structural involving the In-laws.
- Disagreement between the member of a family due to differing opinions and viewpoints. If such disagreement is not properly handled in a home it can result in unpleasant circumstances of deadly ends.
- A dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a family. It can start with one member of the family and spread to others with initial poor management. It makes members to be hostile to one another, fatal opposition, and might end in relationship breakups. A brother [family members] offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle Proverbs 18:19.
Causes of Family Crisis
From our experience/s as marriage counselors we make these submissions: We strongly believe there can be a total change or the family crisis can be minimal and not brutal if all members of the family can understand and believe that our submissions are the real causes of the crisis and not some other issues. And then they must be fully determined to find relational solutions to them for the peace, progress, and prosperity of their family.
- Spousal differences in Background and Culture
- Perception of each member of the family on HOME and LIFE generally.
- Short-term and long-term Expectations of each member of the family on Relationships.
- Lack of Trust in one another, Assumptions and Seasonal Love towards one another
- Impatience and lack of Endurance.
- Lack of Faith and Absence of Family Altar.
- When members are not genuinely sanctified.
We will try to further explain some other issues causing crisis but still find their roots in the above mentioned. We desire that each family should investigate the points individually and collectively as a family this week.
- Family Values: Differences in values in a home can result in crisis. As each member of the family might have a different perception or actual incompatible belief system on family life issues; or where a member of the family tries to impose his/her values on others or claims exclusive right to a set of values in the family. Values may be non-negotiable but can be discussed and resolved using the Christian medium – The Bible.
- Family Interest: Conflict of Interest of family members which are caused by competition and greed over perceived or actual incompatible needs of the family. Family members often mistakenly believe that in order to satisfy their own needs those of other members must be sacrificed. This is not scriptural! Such differences may occur over issues like money, where to live, food, and sex.
- Family Relationship: Crisis also occurs when there are misinterpretation, assumption, strong negative emotion, malice, or general poor communication within a home. One person may distrust the other and believe that the other person’s actions are motivated by strife, disagreement, superstition, or an intent to harm members of the family.
- Family Structure: Family structure is another factor in the crisis in a home. Such crisis emanates from oppressive behavior exerted on other family members.
- Educational background and financial contributions to the home keeping can lead to an unresolved crisis within a home.
- The harsh attitude of Parents and excessive punishments to children can also cause crisis in the home- Child’s discipline.
- Favoritism, rivalry, unhealthy comparisons, and criticisms with other wrong attitudes can be sources of crisis in a home
- Indirect interference of In-laws and Extended family, friends, and the Church in family matters may also result in a family crisis.
- Family Access To Information: Inadequate and or Wrong information about the home is another critical point to a crisis in a home. Individual exposition and exposure might affect his /her interest in family matters.
Types of Family Crisis
- The arrival of a New Baby: The father may feel neglected, other children may become jealous. There is more pressure on the family resources and more demand on the mother’s time and energy on the new baby. Such envy or jealousy if not properly managed at that initial stage can be a hidden bomb of crisis later.
- Clashes of personalities: Sibling rivalry is competition between children for the attention and love of their parents. This can be a very tough crisis that can become a generational crisis if not managed properly.
- Relocation of Family: In terms of accommodation, job, and even a place to worship or church denomination to attend can breed crisis.
- Loss of job / new employment.
- Illnesses and Accidents
- Children with Challenges: Physically / Spiritually challenged children. [Handicap and wayward Children]
- The backsliding of a Partner: Immorality/ infidelity, the lust of money, and so on
Results of Crisis in the home
- Separation for example divorce, ex-communication, and so on
- Illness for example stroke, mental illness, and other terrible illnesses
- Death
Managing
To control/ handle all factors/ resources available in an organization to achieve the desired end and or for maximum profit/ success.
Managing Home Crisis
It is how all characters in a home control their temperament and attitudes in finding solutions to the crisis in their home at none of the member’s expense. It is accepting all responsibilities and practicing all duties as stated in the bible for peace and progress. Stress and crisis are a normal part of family life. It is home/ family management that can be of negative or positive impact on homes. It is usually a turning point to success or failure in the home. And that is the essence of this seminar paper. The following kits are recommended for peaceful and progressive homes:
- The 3Ps Solution kit To Crisis in a Home:
- Prayers Ephesians 6:18, James 5:13-16
- Practicing Biblical Truths/Verdicts on such crisis METICULOUSLY 2Timothy 3:16,
- total obedience to The Promptings of the Holy Spirit. John 14:26
- The 3As Solution kit:
- Adopt the values and interests of your spouse and the values of other members of your family which are biblical.
- Adapt to biblical family structures and try as much as possible to fulfill the duties attached to the structure. Ephesians 5:21-33,
- Adjust your tribalistic beliefs and accommodate Christian ethics. Romans 8:1-17
- Reconciling with other members of the family requires Planning and Pure Love. 1Peter 4:8, Ephesians 4:3, Proverbs 10:12, 1Corinthians 13:4, James 5:20
- Define the problem and pray for understanding.
- Remove the plank Matthew 7:1-5
- Fix a time for the discussion but not at the hit/hot time.
- Listen carefully to one another during the discussion.
- Be ready to apologize where need be, and never shift blame or give excuses rather be honest.
- Learn to forgive and forget. Be tenderhearted towards one another. Ephesians 4:32.
- Propose a solution because our relationship is more important than the issue. Philippian 2:4-5.